Bigs vs. Littles: Who Would Win in the Zombie Apocalypse?

            Though we don’t like to admit it sometimes, the world we live in can be a scary place. From the time when we’re young and we fear monsters under our bed, to the time we’re older and face threats that are much more real, we learn that there are things in this world we must stand up to. And there is probably no threat more real right now than that of, yep, you guessed it, the zombie apocalypse.

            Zombies are like, so in right now. And personally, I don’t really get it, but hey, if there’s a bandwagon to jump on, you might as well, especially when it comes to dogs. Dogs always follow the pack. And this pack is a pack of wild zombies. So it begs the question (and I know you are all wondering this right now), in the zombie apocalypse, which would win: big dogs or little dogs?

            Now, let’s approach this scientifically. And to do this we have to know what we’re working with: are the zombies dogs? Or are they humans? For argument’s sake let’s take the zombie apocalypse we all know and love (human zombies) and try to determine who would be better fit to defeat an army of them in the event of the zombie apocalypse (though I should probably use the term zombie uprising since I’m implying that one group of dogs will defeat the zombies…but zombie apocalypse has a much cooler ring to it).Rupert & Charlie brainstorming on the matter

            So now, what are some qualities of zombies? Undead, slow-moving, decomposing, able to infect another being with one bite. Great, now we’re more familiar with zombies. So, let us analyze the positive Darwinian traits of big dogs compared little dogs to see which would reign supreme. Big dogs have their size to their advantage. They often have great strength, large teeth, and a forceful bite if necessary. Depending on the breed, the quickness and agility of large dogs can be quite impressive. As far as little dogs go, this quickness and agility often will accompany any small breed. They also possess unbelievable levels of cuteness, which anyone knows, when harnessed correctly, can be a powerful weapon. The mere fact that a little dog could probably run circles around a zombie so quickly without being able to be caught, while at the same time making it so dizzy it becomes disoriented, leads me to believe (a deduction based on scientific reasoning of course) that little dogs would win out over big dogs in the (very likely) event of a zombie apocalypse (uprising).

            Well there you go, folks. Science has solved another one (take that MythBusters!)…Though in all honesty, zombies are walking meals of raw, decomposing flesh. With the raw diet being the biggest rage right now amongst doggie diets, it’s safe to bet any dog, big or little, would defeat a zombie no problem. All you’d have to do is let them loose and say “Dinner!”

Zombie problem solved. You’re welcome world. Forget the apocalypse. As long as human’s have “man’s best friend”, we’ll be around for a long time.

Written by: Diana DiCostanzo, High Tail Hotel Dog Scientist and Bizarre Theory Research Analyst